Well, there was one time

’twas in farmers’ times

’twasn’t in your time

or in my time

but in times ago

there was a King and a Queen had three daughters.

But somewhere in the same . . . region, in another part

there was a man and a woman got married

and they had three sons

which they called Jack, Bill, and Tom.

So, that’s alright.

They lived in this little seaport town.

Now, there’s nobody there but theirselves.

But they were three young men.

Every day they’d go out

looking out on the bank.

They all liked to go to sea

but one day

what comes in, only a . . . ship.

She anchored pretty near the shore

and the three boys is watching her.

But they stowed their canvas

and when they stowed the canvas, ’twas a very poor job, to them.

But Bill said to Jack, Jack, he said

that’s a—he said, that’s a poor job for sailors, he said

they can’t stow canvas no better ’n that.

And . . . Jack said

sure that’s as good as he’d expect, he said.

But Jack said

there’s a—there’s another boat out there, he said

away out to sea.

So the captain heard all this

but he took his spyglass to go see this ship was out to sea

but he couldn’t see her, see?

Couldn’t see the ship, so he come ashore

and he disputed with him, asked him about what fault was in the canvas on the ship.

But—well, Jack said

you only made a poor job of tying them up, he said

that’s why we spoke about it.

He said, they were as good as any man could do it.

Oh, no, Jack said, there’s a crowd of ye men, he said

me and Bill and Tom, he said

’d tie up that canvas, he said

where you’d see nothing, he said

but the—the yards.

Come aboard, he said

and try it.

So . . . Jack goes aboard

and Bill and Tom

and they gets up on the yard

and sure they tied it up

the way there was nothing to be seen only the yards.

Very good, said the captain

but now what about the ship, he said

is out to sea, he said

you see?

Oh, Jack said

uh, she’s well off, he said

uh—she’s uh—a long ways out, he said

I’d say, he said

she’s around thirty-five or forty miles, he said

out to sea.

The captain said, how could you see twenty miles

twenty-five or thirty miles out to sea? he said.

Jack said, I can see twenty-one mile through a cock of hay!

Oooh hoo, that indeed! he said.

He said, I’ll ship you then

he said to Jack.

And, he said

you’d be a lovely hand, he said

in fog.

And, he said

we’re in search of the King’s three daughters, he said

was stolen by somebody, but who, he said

we don’t know.

Very good! says Jack.

So . . . he said, we’re landing people, he said

we lands people, he said

anyone wish to go, he said

we’d land ’em, he said

or we’ll keep ’em in the vessel.

But, he said, we only wants one man, he said.

We’d take you.

Oh, no, Jack said, you don’t take me without taking Bill and Tom, too.

God, he agreed.

And Jack and Bill and Tom got in the vessel.

And they went out, got her underway, and they left.

But . . . Jack see this island so far away that—

he was telling the captain about the island he see

the land he see.

And . . . so the captain . . . got her on a—got her on a course for Jack’s land

to look for Jack’s land, that he see, because the captain didn’t know, couldn’t see it

but . . . he put her on a course when Jack was telling him where it was

and . . . so, no doubt . . . when they come

they come to this island, this place.

And uh . . . Jack said, I think we’ll get ashore here.

They’ll land us here.

And the captain said

well, he said

he didn’t exactly want to lea—he’d land Bill and Tom

but he didn’t want to land Jack.

But . . . wherever one fellow went

the other fellow had to go, too.

The other two had to go with him.

Very good! the captain said

we’ll land you and come back.

Jack said, come back in a day and twelvemonth

and pick us up, he said.

We’ll search this island, he said

’tis an island, he said.

We—by gar, when they went, no two damn ways about it.

When they landed on the island

the captain gave them food and stuff.

And Bill, when they come to the road, met paths going through

and begar, they met three paths.

And Jack said, now you go on that one.

Bill, you go on that one, he said

and I’ll go on this one.

Now, he said, in a day, in a twelvemonth’s end, he said

ye be here, because, he said

the ship . . . is going to come back, he said

for us in a day and a twelvemonth’s time, but, he said

if I’m not here, he said

before the day, before the twelvemonth

when the twelvemonth is up, wait the other day, he said

and I’ll be here.

And, he said, if—whichever of us comes first, he said

wait till all hands comes, he said.

The bargain was made, and away to go.

So . . . Bill traveled on a little bit

and by ’m’ by (by and by) he got down to a brook to have something to eat

and who come along, only a little red-headed fellow.

Bill, he said

would you give me the crumbs that fall from your bread to save the life of me children?

I’ll give you the devil now, Bill said

’tis enough for every hungry man, he said

to carry prog (provisions) for himself.

So . . . that was alright.

He wouldn’t give the red-headed fellow none

but he wasn’t very long there

and Tom come to the—to the brook.

The red-headed fellow come.

And he asked, said to Tom, he said

would you give me the crumbs, he said

that fall from your bread, he said

to save me—the life of myself and my childer (children), he said

we’re both hungry?

You get, Tom said

or I’ll chop the head off you.

Hmph. ’Nough for every traveling man to carry prog for yourself.

Tom, he said

if—if you give me the crumbs, he said

I’d tell you something ’d be of service to you.

Whatever you tells me now, he said

’twould be of no service to me.

Alright, he said.

And away he goes.

That was very good.

He wasn’t very long

He wasn’t very long before Jack come along

and when Jack come along

and sat down to eat the bit

and drink a drop like the rest, the red-headed fellow come.

Oh, Jack, he said

would you give me the crumbs that fall from your bread, he said

to save the life of my children.

Ah, Jack said, the crumbs falls from my bread is no good for nobody, only the birds.

But, he said

here! Sit in, he said

and eat all you wish.

Oh, no, he said

he didn’t care so then he got a cracker, the—a bit of crumbs to bring home to his family.

Well, Jack took his knife

and cut off the loaf

and give it to him.

Here, boy, he said

go on with that, he said

crumbs is no good to you.

Alright, Jack, he said

but I’m not going, he said.

Here’s a sword, he said

I’ll give you.

And, he said

here’s a stick, he said

I’ll give you.

And, he said

whatever you tells that stick to do, he said

’t’ll do it.

And whatever you . . . meets with that sword, he said

’t’ll defend you.

And, he said

this is where the King’s three daughters

they’re stolen by three giants, he said

three monstrous great giants.

Very good, says Jack.

Now Jack, he said

there—there’s the road that you’ll find the giants’ castles, three of them, he said.

So Jack traveled on

[An awful thing to be a liar, you know!]

so Jack traveled on

and by ’m’ by he come to, he see the castle. Big field.

Jack looked around the castle.

Jack said, I won’t go up to the castle now, he said

I—I’ll lie around a bit, he said

because . . . he may not be so nice.

And Jack was lay down asleep, getting a rest, when this old giant come

and by ’m’ by Jack heard the snorts of him coming.

Jack got up.

And when he got up he said

hallo, he said

Who are you? he said

I’m Jack. Jack, he said

yes . . . Jack.

Jack said, I’m shipwrecked, he said

and I’m looking for—for lodgings.

Hah, he said

the lodgings, he said

you’ll get lodgings! Do you know what I’m going to do with you? he said to Jack.

And Jack said, what is that?

I’m going to kill you now, he said

and bring it up to the maid, he said

to cook for me supper.

Ah, Jack said, that’s easier said than done.

But, he said

if you thinks well of it, he said

So . . . he started to use his club at Jack

but begod, the stick wouldn’t—was too—was going too tough on him.

He said to Jack, Jack, he said

I—we’ll put up the sticks, he said

and have a fight.

And Jack said

yes, I’ll fight you.

Jack, he said, what fight’ll you fight?

Oh, Jack said

I’ll fight collar and elbow.

Very good, said the giant

that’s—I delights in that fight.

And himself and Jack got into it, collar and elbow.

But sure, he couldn’t touch Jack, ’cause the wind out of his nose used to put Jack away. [laughter]

And by ’m’ by Jack gets a smack, gets the chance at him

and . . . the giant made some kind of a stagger

and Jack ups—nipped him in the side of the head with the sword

and . . . oh, gee, near about chopped the head off.

Oh, Jack, he said

spare me my life, for God’s sake, he said

I’ll give you a horsewhip

and an army

and a suit of me own, he said

the color of the stars, he said

and make a rich man out of you all the days of your life.

To hell with you now, Jack said

that I’ll have and your life, too.

So Jack up sword

and chopped the head right off him.

He fell down in a pile.

So Jack was getting a bit thirsty then

so he went up to the castle.

He said, I’ll go up to see the castle now to see what’s in it.

So when Jack goes up to the castle, who was there only the beautiful lady

the King’s daughter.

And when she saw—he told her who he was

and sure, she knew

and told her where he came from—she knew about him.

Oh, come in, Jack, she said

and stay with me, she said.

And, she said

we can live happy.

No, Jack said

I’m not going to do that, he said.

I bargained with a captain, he said

if his ship do be here, he said

in a day and a twelvemonth.

And, Jack said, if he’s a man to his word

[Oh, I’m astray, too, now.]

If he’s a man to his word, he said

he’ll be here!

But along with giving Jack this stick, you see, he give Jack this wishing box

a box, that when he’d haul open this box

and whatever he’d wish for, he’d get it.

Ah, that was alright, Jack and the lady.

But Jack said, I have two brothers, he said

beside myself.

And she told him about her sisters.

Oh, well, Jack said

you’re eas—you’re—you’re the oldest?

And she said

yes.

Well, Jack said

you’ll do my brother Bill, he said

Bill is older than I am. So, he said

I’ll go look for a wife for Tom.

No! she warned Jack that . . . the old giant’d kill him.

Oooh, she said, he’s a monstrous great man, she said

with two heads.

And Jack said, is he home?

No, she said, he don’t be home till around noon, she said

or something like that.

Oh, Jack said, according to that, I’ll—I’ll go see the lady.

And so Jack goes up

and when Jack goes up, the other lady, she knew there was something happening.

Because the old giant was out of his mind all night snorting

and groaning

and complaining

and roaring

and everything like that.

So, God, when she see Jack coming, she walked out.

Asked him where had he come from, he told her.

Well, Jack, she said—

she knew about him, so . . . she invited Jack in—

Now Jack, she said

as quick as you can, she said

come in, she said

and get, I’m going to get you a cup of tea.

And be sure, she said

I don’t know what I’m going to do with you, because, she said

that old giant, she said

can smell anything.

And Jack said

he might smell his own death!

Oh, Jack, she said

you’re not able to do anything with him, she said

he’s a monstrous great man with two heads.

Sure, Jack said

two heads wouldn’t make him any harder, he said,

the other fellow only had one. But, he said

’twas shockin’ easy to get that off.

Oh, gar, by ’m’ by, Jack see him coming

Oh, begob, Jack said

I have to get out, he said

the old giant is coming, he said

and I can’t—I can’t stay in the house, he said

I have to get out where he’s—meet him.

When he went out, sure, he knowed ’twas Jack.

Oh, hallo, Jack, he said

where’d you come from?

Well, Jack said

sir, we’re shipwrecked and drove ashore.

He said, uh—

alright, he said

you’ll make a piece for me now, he said

for me supper. Do you know, he said

you killed my youngest brother yesterday

and the marrow in his bones is not cold yet?

Hmph!

Yes, sir, Jack said

I did.

And you want to be damn careful

and talk a little better than you are, he said

or you’re going to get the same thing.

Well, that set the old giant pretty raging.

So . . . he made the smack of the club at Jack

but Jack took his stick.

Jack said, I have a club, too, he said.

So Jack let go of his stick.

But the old giant didn’t want the stick . . . beating him so, he said

oh, he said

we’ll call it square, he said

I’ll—call back your stick, he said

and we’ll . . . fight!

Oh, Jack said

yes, I’ll fight. If you wants to fight.

Jack said—

the old giant said, what fight would you—

Jack said, what fight would you fight?

Oh, collar and elbow, says Jack.

Very good, said the giant.

And with that, they got into it.

But sure, he could do nothing at all with Jack with collar and elbow

because he could never touch him.

He’d blow Jack this way

and blow Jack that way

and the wind out of his nose . . . he’d never get handy to Jack.

The old giant got so mad on the last of it, he said, oh, he said

we’ll put it to the point of the sword.

Ay, very good, says Jack

And as quick as he said, put it to the point of the sword.

Now Jack had this magic sword

as quick as the—the old giant got—up sword

and chopped off one of his heads. Down he falls on his knees.

Oh, Jack, he said

spare me my life, I’ll give you the keys of my treasure, my horsewhip and army

and a suit of my own, he said

the color of the moon

which will make a rich man of you all the days of your life.

Hell with you now, Jack said

that I’ll have and your life, too.

And with that, up sword and chopped the head off of him.

Well, that’s alright.

He stayed with that one a little spell.

And . . . begod, the next fellow he had to go face was the fellow with the three heads.

Now he was a big fellow.

He was almost so big as I was!

And he, Jack goes up

and he said to the old—he said to the . . . lady. She was in the home

and Jack went up.

Well, she see Jack. She fell right in love with Jack soon as ever she see him.

Now Jack, she said.

Well, Jack told her who he was and what—

Well, Jack, she said

come in, she said

and the old giant, she said

’ll come, she said

I’ll hide you somewhere.

[Telephone rings. Pius Power stops. Kenneth Goldstein urges him, “Go ahead.”]

So—so that was very good.

The old giant come

and Jack got out

and he said to him—

he had to get out before the old giant come

but when he come, by golly, he was a tough-looking lad.

Jack, he said

where are you going to?

Well, Jack said

I was shipwrecked, he said

and I got here, he said

swum—drove ashore, he said

on a—on a raft, he said

on the island. I had no way of getting off it, he said.

And I come here, he said

to try to get something to eat, he said

here, he said.

I found the castles.

Jack, he said

you killed my youngest brother, he said

the day before yesterday.

I knows I did, Jack said.

I only asked him for food, he said

and he was going to eat me, so, he said

I . . . wasn’t going to let that happen.

And uh, he said

you killed me youngest brother yesterday, he said

and the marrow in his bones is not cold yet.

Hmph. The devil may care, says Jack.

He was going to do the same with me.

Well then, Jack, he said

I’m going to eat you for my supper.

Jack said, sir, that’s easier said than done.

So . . . they argued a bit. But the old giant didn’t threaten the club on him, this fellow

he’d sooner fight.

He said, would you fight?

he said to Jack.

Oh, yes, Jack said, I’d fight.

And, he said, what fight would you fight?

Oh, collar and elbow, said Jack.

Very good, said the giant

that’s just what I delights in!

So Jack and the old giant got in the collar and elbow

sure, the wind out of the old giant’s nose used to put Jack near about up to the top of the castle.

Jack was half beat up and half killed with the wind out of the old giant’s nose

he never got to touch him. [laughter]

And the old giant got so mad the last going-off, he said

oh, he said

this is no good to me or to you

or to man or to master, he said.

Put it to the point of the sword, he said

and the best man have it.

That’s what I was interested in, sir, Jack said.

And the next . . . the next thing Jack gets the smack at him

and chops off one of his heads.

But . . . he wasn’t—he wasn’t too damn . . . lucky that time

because . . . instead of . . . the old giant coming down on his knees

he started to blow fire and smoke out through that neck.

And Jack couldn’t get handy to him at all

and the wind out of his nose used to put Jack everywhere.

But by ’m’ by, begar, it worked around

by ’m’ by Jack got a snick at the other head.

Brought the old giant down on his knees.

Oh, Jack, he said

spare me my life, he said.

I’ll give you the keys of my treasure, a horsewhip and army

and a suit of your own, he said

the color of the sun, which’ll make a rich man of you all the days of your life.

Hell’s flames with you now, Jack said.

That I’ll have and your life too.

But . . . Jack up sword and chopped the head off of him.

But the wind . . . from his nose struck Jack . . .

and put Jack . . . three acres from the castle.

And Jack . . . was jammed under a rubble.

But the lady, she come

and after a spell she freed Jack . . . out of the fence

and out of the thorn

and all as it was.

But Jack was just about . . . the twelvemonth before . . . he got the strength to get—

to know what he was doing.

So the lady

when he—he said to the lady, he said

we’ll have to get, he said.

And so they took all they wanted

and . . . when they went . . . the—those two ladies was gone.

And they were there. The vessel come

and Bill and Tom is gone

and Jack is left on the island.

Jack see the vessel

but he—he was too, far to do anything with her.

So he said—

She said, oh, that’s alright, Jack, she said

We’ll go back and we can live here contented, she said.

We have lots, lots of money

and lots of everything like that.

So . . . that’s alright.

Herself and Jack went back

and they lived in the castle for ever so long.

But the lady, she began to get . . . uneasy

and she began to get troubled.

She wanted to get home to her father . . . back in . . . London, so she—

so she could have better times, or

and all as it was.

So . . . one night as she got—she was talking about it

and Jack said

do you—do you want to go home?

Yes Jack, she said, it is a lonely life, she said

we’re putting in here.

But, she said

we did—’tis better than I’m put—was putting in, she said

with them giants.

Oh, Jack said

that’s your own fault, he said

we could go home any time.

And they talked away.

And . . . when they were going to bed, Jack said to her, he said

where would you wish to be now, tomorrow morning?

Well, she said

I’d like to be . . . in a . . . castle, or in some kind of a . . . place, she said

near me father’s door.

Very good! says Jack.

And when the lady woke in the morning

and looked out, she’s in an old hut of a house

and when she looked out through the windey (window)

first thing she see was her father’s castle.

But they’re in, they’re in the worst quality of an old—an old shack!

And uh . . . she called Jack

and told him what happened.

Sure, Jack said

you wanted to get home, didn’t you?

Well, Jack said, there’s your home. Go on up to your father’s castle.

And when she goes up . . . to her father’s castle—

now Bill and Tom, they’re—they had the name of getting the King’s two daughters.

And poor old Jack, he done it all.

But . . . when they goes up, she’s the King’s youngest daughter.

And now, there’s a fellow there, he’s the next man to the King.

I don’t know what his name was

but . . . he’s going to . . . he’s—he falls right in love with the—with the Princess

soon’s ever he sees her.

Now he’s starting to bribe the King, for to get this one from Jack

and drive Jack out of the place altogether.

Jack was nobody anyway.

So there was a battle starting

there was another King coming agin (against) him

and now Bill and Tom, they have to go fight, as generals

and this fellow was the real—

they were going to have the big war, so . . . Jack—they wanted the lady to go up

and live in the palace

but she wouldn’t leave him.

She said no.

Jack brought—Jack saved her life, took her from the giants

and she was going to remain with him.

Now to get Jack killed, they didn’t know how to do this

but they were going to do it some way.

So . . . when the battle is, they were going to fight

Jack said to her, he said

you go up and ask your father, he said

if he wants someone to fight, he said

I’d go fight for him. Not that, he said

he thinks that much about me, but, he said

tell him, he said

I’d go fight for him.

So she went up

and she told her father what Jack said, he’d go fight.

And the old King . . . Jack was so . . . miserable-looking in this old hut

the old King didn’t want—didn’t even want him to be—to go fight for him.

But . . . this fellow speaks up

and, ah, sure, he said

he’d do to stop a bullet.

Very good. Away goes Jack.

Now they’re going to kill Jack if they gets the chance.

But the first morning, his brother Bill hails the battle.

And when Jack got up to go out for to go fighting, he goes down to the stable

and this is what he have. An old horse with three legs. The other one is crippled.

But Jack started off on his horse, humpy-thump, humpy-thump along the road.

And by ’m’ by the King’s army come along

but Bill is heading the army.

Gave Jack’s horse a push

tumbled Jack off of the road head over heels, himself and the old horse.

And . . . Jack went on about his—when they went on about their business, they all shouted

and they laughed.

But when they went out to wait for the enemy to come, sure what did Jack do

only as quick as they were out of sight

he calls on his horsewhip and army, that the old giants gave him.

And a suit of his own the color of the stars.

’Twas a very nice suit.

And he goes down on the battlefield, with the—with the army

and when he went down with the army, sure, Bill and Tom, they were up around.

My Christ, that frightened them to death!

If that fellow ever breaks down war

and what’s going to be the end of it?

They had—his army was ten to the one!

So after a spell he went up

and he said, men, he said

what are ye—what are ye doing? he said.

They up and told him. When the ar—when the fight was going to take place.

Thought you were (unintelligible).

Oh, no, sir, he said

I was only out, he said

in case we might have to fight, he said.

I was out testing up me army, he said.

Just . . . keeping them in practice. But, he said

if you wants help, I’d help you, but, he said

I—I don’t—can’t do it for nothing.

Well, Bill said, I haven’t got very much to give you.

And, he said

you’re out fighting for the King with nothing? he said

I’m married to the King’s eldest daughter.

Oh, he said

I see.

And you have nothing to give me?

Nothing, he said

only me . . . wife’s gold ring.

Oh, he said

that’d do me!

Jack takes the gold ring

and puts it in his pocket

and when the army came, sure, Jack went down—drove the—

drove ’em all back to hell out of it altogether.

And Bill and Tom, they never—the rest of the crowd never got into the fight at all.

All they (unintelligible) stood up and watched Jack.

And when they come back

sure, when the battle was over

when they come back

Jack was still there, trying to get up his old horse on the road.

And when Jack—when they passed on

because Jack knew they were going to knock him down again

but when Jack, when they passed on

Jack got the old horse up

and he thump, thump, thump and got back to the—

They were home

and enjoying

and telling about the battle

and how they fought

and what they done

and Jack . . . comes home sometime in the night

and his wife was there.

And he said

weren’t you up to your father’s? he said.

Did they win the battle?

Oh, yes, she said

I was up. But, she said

they—me father, she said

didn’t care much about me, she said

I—on account of you, she said.

Jack said, that’s very good.

Then . . . she said—she said

they wants me to go in the castle.

Jack said, why don’t you go up with them?

No, she said

I’m not—

that’s how Jack found out, see?—

No, she said

I’m not, she said

that fellow is there, she said

that—next to—me father’s second officer—head officer, she said

he’s the fellow, she said

wants my hand in marriage.

And he’s the fellow, she said

is go—is fighting for me.

Oh, Jack said

sure, that’s somebody, he said

when you have someone to fight.

Yes, but Jack, she said

’tis no odds what fighting he does, she said

I’m not re—leaving you, she said

in any shape or form. I’ll live

as—as you live, however bad we’re off.

Well, Jack said

we were good-off—well-off, he said

and you wanted—you got—wanted this.

Oh, yes, Jack, she said

’twasn’t your fault, ’twas mine.

And Jack said yes, so they talked it over

and . . . then she took the—

So . . . when . . . Jack had . . . cup of tea and all

and got ready and went to bed

and in the morning Jack got—had to get up so long before all the rest of them

’cause his old horse was very slow.

Jack gets up in the morning, goes in

and gets his three-legged horse

and away to go with him.

But on his way this day, Tom is heading the battle.

And on his way, sure, they give . . .

when Tom passed along by Jack he give the horse a push

and away goes the old horse

head over heels off of the road altogether.

So . . . [whispers “Take that”?]

But when the old horse come . . .

so after they left Jack . . . tied on the old horse

and straightened her up

and . . . called on his suit, horsewhip, and army

and a suit of his own the color of the . . . moon.

Out he goes on the battlefield.

And sure, when Tom see him, he frightened Tom to death.

For Christ’s sake, if that army broke down on them

what were they going to do?

And after a spell

’twas getting up . . .

handy dinner time

and Jack went up.

Tell me, he said

What are ye doing here?

Well, sir, Tom said

we thought you were the fellow, he said

was going, come to fight us.

No, my man, he said

I’m not, not in any fight, he said

I was only out, he said

training up me army, he said.

Have to keep ’em in practice!

Well, he said

but now, he said

you know, he said

I wouldn’t mind helping anybody.

Oh, Tom said

we’d appreciate all the help we could get.

Well, he said

I couldn’t do that for nothing.

Have you got anything to give me?

So Tom up and told him he was married to the King’s eldest—youngest—second-eldest daughter.

And he said

I’ll give, I have nothing, he said

only me wife’s gold ring, he said

I s’pose I’ll give you that.

Oh, that’ll do me, he said.

That’s the finest quality.

Jack stuck the ring in his pocket

goes down, boy

and they had the jeezler down there with the army.

He drove ’em all back.

And he gets back

and when he had all done he—Bill and them was home.

He was on ahead—went—went right ahead of them

and he was trying to get up the old horse when they went back

and they were laughing at him

and making fun of him trying to get up the old horse.

They went home and they told the King about the fun of Jack

out in the boughs with the—with the horse.

And the old King said

sure, he said

according to that, some of ye should have stuck a bullet in him.

Oh, no, Tom said.

He said, we couldn’t do that, he said

Jack was—couldn’t kill Jack, he said

we couldn’t do it.

Or, he said, they wouldn’t let anyone else do it, he said

not to kill him.

Anything else, outside of killing him, they were capable to do it with Jack

but they wouldn’t kill him. [coughing]

So . . . begad, the lady goes up—the next—

So the next day, now, this head—this other fellow—this great general

he’s going to fight the battle now.

This is the one is after the King’s youngest daughter.

So . . . Jack said to her when he come home

well, Jack said

tomorrow now, he said

is going to be the day, he said

that—ca—this fellow is going to have your hand in—in—in marriage, he said.

I don’t care, Jack, she said

what hand he have in marriage, he won’t be getting mine.

Oh, Jack said

that . . . remains to see.

Jack, she said

you took me from the giants, she said

you can—you can easily—Jack, she said

you fought a giant, she said

you’re easily able to handle him.

Now, this is what she thought. Jack fought the giant, that he was able to handle this fellow.

But—oh, Jack said

yes, but the giants is different fellows, he said

they’re not so smart as them generals and all this.

Jack began to make fun of her now

and Jack said, they’re not so smart as them generals, he said

an old giant, he said

he’s pretty heavy and he’s stumbly, Jack said

’tis no trouble to get a snig at him.

That’s alright, Jack, she said.

So . . . Jack goes up, in—Jack gets under way the next morning

and away to go.

Now she was, she told Jack about what Bill and Tom—what the old—what her father said.

And he said

they better not try and stick bullets in me, he said

I won’t be taking none of that s—chummy (the guy).

But, he said

in regard to that, he said

the rest of it is no odds.

Well, Jack . . . gets on his old horse in the morning

and he starts off, humpy-thump, humpy-thump, when this great general come.

Sure, he didn’t like Jack because he wanted the lady.

What did he do only give the old horse a bunk of his knee in the—in the—in the be—in the rear end

and away she goes head over heels out in the boughs

and Jack head over heels with her.

Well, Jack said

boys, he said

ye are a dirty crowd, I must admit.

Now, that’s all he said.

And uh—chummy drew—chummy was going to draw his sword

but Bill told him, don’t draw it! Bill told him not to draw no sword

or draw nothing for Jack.

Let him go on

and that’s all there was to it.

So when they went out of sight, Jack called on his horsewhip and army

and a suit of his own the color of the sun

and goes out on the field.

The great general, he was frightened to death

but after a while Jack goes up to him.

And Jack said

I s’pose—good morning!

And he said

good morning, sir, he said.

Jack said, I s’pose, he said

you’re out training up your army, are you?

Oh, no, he said

we’re waiting for a—for an army, he said

to come to fight, he said.

The King, he said—the King, he said

is in great trouble, he said

and . . . we have to fight.

Well, and Jack said—

Uh, he said

we thought, he said

that you were the man.

Oh, no, Jack said

I’m only out, he said

trying out my army, he said

we’re not—oh, he said

I’m on—I’m in peace, he said

I don’t have—we don’t have no fights.

But, he said

I have to lead the battle today, he said

I’m . . . the next man to the King, he said

I’m the King’s head officer.

And, he said

I leads the battle today. But, he said

I’d be more than delighted if you’d join us.

I will, said Jack

but—but—I have to get something for it.

Well, he—sir, he said

I have nothing to give you, he said.

And Jack said

you really have nothing?

No, sir, he said

but, he said

I’ll tell you. When I left to join the—the—to fight for the King, he said

the old King, he said

gave me a medal, the picture of him and the Queen.

Very good, says Jack.

That was a great thing.

Yes, sir, he said

and I’m going [laughs]

but, he said

I’ll give you the medal, he said

if you . . . joins us.

Oh, Jack said

that’s good enough for me.

Because, he said

I’m after the King’s youngest daughter, he said

and if I wins the battle, he said

I’d have the King’s youngest daughter, he said

hand in marriage.

That’s a fine thing, to—Jack said

to know.

So . . . Jack goes down

and the army come.

But Jack had all kinds with them

but into the racket what did Jack do, only—into the battle

only stuck the—stuck a bayonet down in his own leg.

Stuck—got prodded—wounded in the leg with a bayonet.

And down comes the doctor

and ties it up.

Now the—he’s the army doctor was there.

He bandaged up Jack’s leg

and brought Jack out of the battle

and . . . Jack come back

and he was wounded.

But sure, that was no hurt to Jack.

And Jack come back.

When they passed by, Jack was trying to get his old three-legged horse up.

And when Jack goes home

and they went home, they were laughing at the fun with Jack.

Oh, they had the battle won, they were—peace was proclaimed

oh, they were wonderful fellows.

And they’re right ready now any minute for the—chummy for to get the Princess.

Begod, in the morning Jack’s leg was sore. Not too good.

He said to his wife, he said

you go up, he said

and tell the old King, he said

send a—tell your father, he said

to send down a doctor, he said.

I got wounded, he said

and I wants a doctor to look at me leg.

She went up to her father

and she said

Father, she said

Jack told me, she said

to ask you to send down a doctor.

He got wounded in the battle.

Heh, heh, the other fellow spoke up, he said

it must be where his horse fell over the road, he said

he hurted his leg, he said

that’s where we lef—passed him, he said

and that’s where he was to, he said

when we come back.

Well, she said

I don’t care where you were to or what ye were, but, she said

Jack have a bad leg. He’s wounded.

So . . . oh, the old King said

he wasn’t going to send down no doctor.

So, he said

that’s alright.

She goes back to Jack

and Jack says

is he going send down the doctor?

Told me, she said

he wasn’t sending down no doctor, she said

and that fellow, that head general, she said

he says, she said

it’s only where I—where you fell over the road, wounded your leg.

Oh, Jack said

that’s what he thought.

So . . . Jack said

you go back again

and you tell your father to send me down a doctor, ’cause I said so.

Jack, she said

I’ll go back

but ’tis no good.

Well, Jack said

I’ll try it.

Go back and try it.

So when she went back, she said

Father, Jack told me to tell you to send down a doctor.

He said, you go back and tell Jack, he said

the leg can rot off, for what I cares.

She went back

and Jack said

what did he say?

Told me, she said

the leg can rot off, for what he cares.

Well, he said

you go back

and you tell your father

if he wants that damn castle to remain where it is, that you—send me down a doctor.

And not to have no more fun over it.

So she went back.

And when she went back, she said to her father, she said

Father, you better send a doctor down to see Jack.

He said, why?

I’m not going to send no doctor to Jack.

Yes, she said

Jack told me, she said

for you to send down a doctor, or he’ll put this castle right out of this

and you in it.

And the old . . . officer, he begun to laugh.

He said, Jack must think he’s a somebody.

And she spoke up—

’twas then she told the secret—

she said, yes, Jack is a somebody. Jack fought for my—

and won my three sisters, she said

and he also killed the three giants, she said

we were with.

So, she said

I’ll tell ye now, she said

and—and don’t forget it. Be aware of it. I’ll tell ye, she said

if Jack wants ye out of—out of London, she said

ye’ll go out of it pretty quick.

And begod, the old doctor, he spoke up—

the old doctor, he was there—

well, sure, he said to the King, he said

’tis no harm to go down and see the man.

And when he went down—

So the old King said

yes.

And I’ll go with you.

So when the doctor went down to look at Jack’s leg

Jack said to the doctor, he said

now, he said

you be careful, he said

how you’re taking off them bandages.

Oh, the doctor was pretty nice

and he started taking—took off the bandages

and when he took off the bandages, first thing he see

’twas he—’twas he bandaged up Jack’s leg on the battlefield.

Me man, he said

you’re the fellow, he said

that won the battle! he said.

You’re the man, he said

was dressed in a—with a—with a suit of your own, he said

was the color of the sun, he said.

I’m the man, he said.

That’s my bandages, he said

I put on there, he said

that’s strange to me, he said.

Why? Jack said.

How is it strange to you?

Who—who said, he said

I didn’t?

Well, the old King said

he said, all the . . . officers, he said

said you didn’t. Bill and Tom said, he said

you didn’t.

Yes, but, Jack said

that’s no minding what Bill and Tom said, he said.

I told Bill and Tom, he said

to wait for me for a day and a twelvemonth

and—and he’s—I also told he said

your two daughters.

But, he said, when they got Bill and Tom

and got free, he said

and the captain come, he said

and took ’em, he said

they runned away

and left me and—and . . . your daughter, he said

on a—on an island, which, he said

I had an awful job to get out of.

But, he said, I got here, he said

in this old hut, but you know, he said

I can have a castle, too.

Oh! the old King said

Take—take—take Jack, he said.

And he went and ordered all the guards to bring him up to the castle

and took Jack

and brought him up in the castle

and when Jack got up in the castle

and all this, he said—he sent for his brother Bill

and all of them to come and see him.

And when he come—

well, Bill said

Jack, he said

I don’t believe, he said

that was you.

Well, boy, he said

if you don’t believe it, he said

here’s your wife’s gold ring, he said

I don’t want it.

And he turned around to Tom.

Now Tom, he said

I s’pose you don’t believe it either.

So, he said

here’s your wife’s gold ring.

And, he said

there’s the man there, he said

that the King told me was—he wasn’t fighting for you

he was fighting for . . . the Princess, my wife, he said.

Now, Jack said

he was . . . making a big mistake there

but, he said

he gave me . . . a medal that you gave him, he said

and I’ll give that back to him again now.

So . . . the old King clewed (nautical: to cease or finish an action or task) it right up.

Jack was the fellow.

He took Jack right into the kingdom.

And she was—

Jack was the king.

She was the queen.

They were so far generations afterwards.

They had children by the baskets.

They sold them by the dozens.

Sailors bought them and made sea pies of them.

And the last time I see them

they were sot down to a tin table eating.

The tin table bended.

Oh, the tin table had to be stronger

my story’d be longer

The tin table bended

and my story’s ended.

And if they didn’t live happy

I hope we will!

Now.

That’s the story.

[Pius Power to Kenneth Goldstein: Now, sir, if that’s not as good a lie as any man can tell, that’s as good, I—I think that’s as good a lie, now, as—as ever you heard (laughter).]