So, once upon a time, in a faraway land

there was three brothers, Jack, Bill, and Tom.

They lived with their mother

and their father was dead

and times were poor.

And this year, it had been an exceptionally poor year. The crops had failed

and food was getting scarce.

So one night as they sat round the table, discussing what they were going to do

the oldest fella, Tom, said, Mom, I think I’ll go seek my fortune.

And he said, bake me a cake in the ashes

before the crow flies over the corner of the house.

So she got up the next morning

and baked a cake

and she called out

Tom, Tom, the cake be ready.

[Now that’s what Grandma used to say. I guess that was the terms in the story. “The cake be ready.”]

And he came down

and had his meager breakfast

and she packed up the cake for him

and as she was packing it up, she said

will you have the half of it with my blessing

or the whole of it with my curse?

And he said, that—whole with your curse is little enough for me.

Oh, Tom, she said

I was hoping you’d want my blessing. But she gave it to him anyhow.

And he started out, put his pack on his back

and he went down the lane

and down the—up the road

and across the hill, down by a river.

And he’s walking

and it was around noon

and he looked up

and the sun was overhead

so he figured it was time for lunch.

He sat down by the riverbank

and he dipped up a little mug of water that he have, to drink with his lunch.

And as he sat down, a little old man came out of the woods and said

Can I pick up the crumbs when you’re through?

Pick up the crumbs, he said.

I’ll give you a kick and put you on the other side of the river.

Go away and stop tormentin’ me.

And the little old man shook his head

and said, I’m afraid you’ll come to a bad end.

And when Tom went to go get a drink of water . . . another drink, the little old man took a stick and stirred it up

and it turned all muddy and bloody

and he couldn’t get any more water.

And he disappeared in the woods.

So Tom went on

and he wandered all day.

And just before nightfall, he came to a big farm

and there was a gate there

and the sign said

man wanted.

So he wandered up to the door.

When he knocked on the door, a big old giant fellow opened the door.

What do you want? he said.

You—you’re looking for a man, he said

and I’m looking for work, he said.

And what can you do? the old giant said.

He said, anything a good strong man can do.

Well, he said, you see that—uh—spot of wood that’s over there? he said.

I want all that cut down, sawed up, and stacked up, he said

between sunrise and sunset.

And Tom said, well, where do I sleep?

In the barn, he said.

The hay part.

And poor old Tom was so tired, he stumbled down

and fell into the . . . hay and went to sleep.

In the morning, a servant called him.

No such thing as breakfast or anything.

So Tom went to—took the axe and the saw

and he went over to the woodlot

and start cutting

and sawing.

And he worked so hard, boy, he was hungry.

Lunchtime came, no lunch

and he worked.

At about three o’clock, he had a lot of the wood done

but he was so tired

and weak from the hunger, he sat down.

And the old giant came along.

Sittin’ down on the job.

Off with his head!

Put it on a spear to show others what laziness gets ya.

So that was the end of poor Tom.

Time passed, and they hadn’t had word

so Jack and Bill and his mother one night were talking about it

and wondering what happened to him

and Bill said, I think I’ll go seek my fortune.

So same thing, he said to his mother

bake me a cake in the ashes

before the crow flies over the corner of the house.

And she got up

and did as she was bid

and the next morning, she called out

Bill, Bill, the cake be ready.

Bill came down and ate his meager breakfast, as food was getting scarcer.

And she was—wrapped up the cake for him.

And she said

will you have the half of it with my blessing

or the whole of it with my curse?

The whole of it with your curse is little enough for me.

And she shook her head.

She said, I thought you’d want my blessing. But she gave it to him anyway.

And off he went.

And he followed the same trail as his brother

and he came to the same little spot by the river at noontime.

And when he took out his lunch, the little old man came out and asked the same question

can I pick up the crumbs?

And he said the same thing

I’ll give you a kick and put you on this—other side of the river.

You’ll be sorry, he said.

You’ll come to a bad end.

And he did the same.

When—when Bill went to go get more water, he stirred it up

and it was mud and blood and all, not fit to drink

so he—Bill was kind of mad

but the little man disappeared into the woods.

And he came—he wandered until nightfall, came to the same sign

man wanted

and went up to the door, same old giant opened the door.

And he said, what do you want?

He said, I’m looking for work. You said—your sign says you want a man.

What can you do?

Anything a good strong man can do.

He said, you see that field of corn over there?

He said, I want that cut

and tied up, he said

and—in bundles.

And it has to be done between, uh, sunup and sunset.

And Bill figured

well, I guess I can do that.

And where do I sleep?

In the barn with the hay.

And he was so hungry, he wished he had something to eat

but he was afraid to ask.

So he went down to the barn

and went to sleep.

The next morning, servant called him

and up he got.

And he went out

and he was cutting the corn

and tying it up in bundles.

And noontime came, nothing to eat

and he was even thirsty.

There was no water around.

And the sun was hot

and he was really overcome.

So he sat down by this . . . tree stump, fell asleep.

And the old giant came along.

Off with his head.

Put his head on the spear.

And that was the end of poor Bill.

Time passed

and the mother and Jack wondered what happened to the two boys.

So Jack said, I think I’ll go seek my fortune.

Bake me a cake in the ashes

before the crow flies over the corner of the house.

And Mother said, I hate to see you go, Jack. You’re a good worker

and a good boy.

So the next morning, when he went down for his breakfast, she . . . was wrapping up the cake

and she said

will you have the half of it with my . . . blessing

or the whole of it with my curse?

Oh, Mom, he said

the half of it with your blessing, for sure.

And she said, I was only testing you. Take it all.

Oh, no, he said.

You keep some for yourself.

He said, a half is enough for me.

But she insisted

and she gave him a leather bag

and he put the cake in the bag

and hung it inside his shirt . . . around his neck, inside his shirt.

So when he followed the same trail as his brothers

when he came to the little brook, where the grassy spot was, he sat down to have his lunch.

The little old man came out of the woods and said

can I pick up the crumbs?

And Jack said

pick up the crumbs? he said.

Here, come, I’ll share with you.

And he gave him a piece of his cake.

And when Jack went to dip up his drop of water, the little old man put the stick down

and here it turned into fine wine.

He had a lovely snack.

And he said to him, he said

Jack, he said

you’re a fine man, he said.

You’ll go far in life, he said.

I have a—I know a King in a faraway kingdom who has a . . . a daughter that he’s looking for a husband for.

And he said, you’d make her a good husband.

So Jack laughed at that.

He said, how would I get there?

Well now, he said.

I could build you a ship that’ll sail over land and water.

And Jack thought it was the ravings of a senile old man

so he just laughed at him

and thanked him

and he went on his way.

And he said, now I—the little old man called out

now remember, if you want that favor, come back to me.

So Jack went to the—the same route as the brothers

and came to the same gate with the sign, man wanted

and he went up

and he knocked on the door

and the . . . giant said, what do you want?

I’m looking for work, and you—your sign says you need a man.

What can you do?

Anything a good strong man can do.

And he said

I have a big field of hay over there, he said.

I want it cut and put in piles, he said.

And it has to be done between sunup and sunset.

And Jack said, I’ve been traveling all day

and I’m hungry.

He said, can I get something to eat?

The old giant thought, ah, he’s a smart guy.

So he said, go to the cookhouse, he said

and the cook’ll give you a meal.

So Jack had a good meal

and he came out

and he washed his face and hands at the pump where the big trough was for the . . . cattle to get water

and then he went in down, fell into the hay

and went to sleep.

So when he was called next morning to go to work, wasn’t quite sunup

so he went back to the cookhouse

and wanted breakfast.

He wasn’t going to work on an empty stomach.

And he went.

And the old giant thought

I’ll have to do something to him, ’cause he’s too smart.

And he cut the hay

and he had it done long—long before sundown, it was all finished.

And he went back to the cookhouse

and got his supper.

And the old giant said

now I have another job for you tomorrow.

He said, the grass is getting eaten here, he said

in this pasture.

He said, I have twelve head of cattle

and I want you to take them over, he said.

See that pasture over there on the other side of the river? But, he said

you can’t get their hooves wet.

And Jack decided that—well, he sized up the river

and he found a narrow spot

and he put some rocks

and built up the—up—

then he found some planks

and he laid the planks across

and he made a bridge.

He drove his—the cows across.

There was no—the old giant was watching.

He said, he’s a smart cookie, there’s no—he’s not—they’re not going to get their feet wet.

So when he got up to the other side, the . . . cattle were glad to be in new, rich pasture.

So they start eating

and this little old woman, she had—trying to put a bundle of sticks on her back.

And Jack said to her

here, let me help you, he said.

I’ll take it for you. Where do you live?

Over under the hill, she said

in that little cottage.

So the cows were eating the grass

so Jack took the—her bundle of wood and brought it over right to her door.

She wanted him to come in, have something to eat.

He said, oh—no, he said.

I had a good breakfast, he said.

I can’t—haven’t got the time now.

But she said

here—here’s some curds, she said.

A little bundle of curds, she said.

Take it, she said

and you’ll have a snack on it.

So he put it in his pocket.

He wasn’t long there when the old giant came out, and said . . .

worse than the one that he was working for . . .

who told you to come on my pasture?

Your pasture? says Jack.

My Master said it was his.

He said, he’s always trying to best me.

He said, do you know, he said

that I could grind you up, he said

just like this?

And he scooped up the rocks

and he ground them to fine sand.

And Jack said, can you squeeze water out of ’em?

He said, I’ll try.

So Jack pretend he scooped up the rocks, he took the curds in his hand

and when he squeezed, the—the—along with the rocks here, the whey ran out

and the old giant was vicious.

If you can do it, so can I!

He was going around, grabbing up the rocks, squeezing them.

No water.

You’ve bested me at that, he said.

So now, he said

we’re going to have a contest, he said

I have some soup cooking, he said

and we’re going to have—see who can drink the most.

And Jack thought to himself

you know who’s going to drink the most, the old giant. I can’t hold soup like that.

So when he went in, the old giant dished up a great big bowl of soup

and it was good, Jack enjoyed it.

But oh, he was so busy drinking the soup that every time he filled Jack’s bowl

Jack tipped it into the leather bag he had around his neck.

And the old giant said

well, I can’t believe, he said

that you beat me drinking soup.

And he said

if you beat me at one more thing, he said

you can have my—have this castle, the farm, the servants.

Everything that’s here will be yours, including, he said

money, bags of money, he said

in the storeroom.

And Jack thought about it, and he said

I—I—You said you can do anything I can do. You got a sharp knife?

Yes, he said

and he gave him a big butcher knife.

Well, Jack said, we better go outside.

And he dragged the knife right into the leather bag

and all the soup spilled out.

And the old giant was so mad.

If you can do it, so can I!

And he grabbed right through his stomach.

Fell down dead.

So the servants buried him

and they were all so glad cause he was a wicked old giant.

Now Jack owned the place.

So he start thinking about it, and he said

I’ll go back to the little old man, about his ship that could sail over land and water.

And the little old man was delighted to see him

and he went down

and he picked up some wire

and some sticks

and old things around, bit of canvas

and before long, there was the oddest looking contraption that Jack had ever seen.

It wasn’t like a ship.

And he told him that there was special stuff he had in a can that would make it go.

And he said—told him how to work it

and he said, you skim over the treetops

and how to come down and land

and he showed Jack everything.

So now, he said

you’re ready to go seek your fortune

and the Princess’s hand in marriage.

But, he said

you’ll need a crew.

So he said

as you’re going along, he said

and you see someone walking, call out and see what—if they’re looking for work.

And if they are, he said

lower down the bucket and take them on board.

So the first fellow that Jack—was flying over a roadway

and this man was walking along

and Jack called out, what are you doing?

I’m looking for work! he said.

So Jack said, climb in the bucket, hauled him up, and

what can you do?

Anything a good strong man can do, but I can run faster than anyone else in the world.

My name is Run-Fast.

So he was hired.

And then he went along, there was another fellow, he pulled him up.

He was Shoot-All.

He could shoot better than anyone in the world.

Then there was See-All.

He could see better than anyone else in the world.

His name was See-All

and Shoot-All

and Run-Fast.

And then there was a fellow . . . he was called . . . he—

he was Never-Be-Warm.

Now, he never got warm in his life. His aim was sometime to be warm. He was always cold.

And Jack didn’t know what good he’d be, but he hired him.

And . . . there was a fellow that could see all.

He could see better than anyone else.

And Tear-All, he could tear up trees by the roots

and swing ’em around

and oh, he had wonderful fun at that.

And the last fellow he came to was Hard-Ass.

He could slide down mountains

and level down [laughs]

the hills.

So Jack had ’em all aboard.

Now he’s took off for the kingdom

where the King’s—was offering his—

looking for a husband for his daughter.

So Jack . . . when he went up to the castle, he saw this pretty girl sitting by the window

and he said

I hope she’s the one that he’s looking for a husband for.

And she saw Jack

and she said

I hope he’s the fellow that my father picks for me!

So the King said there were so many things that had to be done—

Jack, or one of his crew had to do, before he could have the girl’s hand in marriage.

The first one was, he had a King, a friend, who lived on the other side of the world.

And he—Jack had to have someone that could run to the other side of the world

and come back with an answer between sunup and sunset.

And he came back to the boat—to the ship

and he was feeling pretty down.

That’s impossible.

Run-Fast said, that’s the job for me.

So, the next morning, the King—they went up to the castle.

And just before sunup, the King gave him a note.

And Run-Fast shot off like the—a shot out of a gun.

He was gone, they couldn’t see him.

And he said to Jack, he said

I’ll be back before three o’clock, he said.

Don’t worry about that.

And anyhow, three o’clock came.

No sign of Run-Fast.

And Jack and his crew were getting worried.

So Hear-All

[I don’t know if I mentioned him.]

he put his ear to the ground

and he could hear someone snoring.

He said, I believe Run-Fast fell asleep.

And . . . See-All went up to the hill

and climbed a tree

and he could see Run-Fast asleep with a sleeping pin in his ear.

There was an old witch, she pretended that she wanted to—Jack (Run-Fast) to help her put a bundle on her back

and when he stooped down to pick it up, she stuck a sleeping pin in his ear

and he fell asleep.

So Shoot-All said

well, if See-All can point the gun, I’ll pull the trigger.

And they shot the sleeping pin out of his ear.

And up jumped Run-Fast

and he was home in no time with the—the answer.

So that was one.

And then the King said he had—there was a big hill up there, with a forest on it.

He wanted all those trees pulled up, cleared off.

He wanted the ground cleared.

And Tear-All said, that’s the job for me.

So Tear-All had a wonderful time, he went up just as the sun was coming up.

He was pulling up the big trees by their roots, and throwing them in a pile.

And the King said

and I want, he said

all those trees set fire

and someone got to stay in the middle of them while they’re being burned.

And Jack thought

well, no one can do that.

Never-Be-Warm said, that’s the job for me!

I might get warm once in my life.

So anyhow, that night, when they had all the trees piled

Never-Be-Warm crawled in through the hole

and the old King set fire to it.

And poor Jack walked away.

He—he—he thought he’d never see him again.

He figured he was going to be burnt to a cinder.

But anyhow, when they used to look in, they could see Never-Be-Warm sitting in the flames

a big grin on his face.

And . . . when it came daylight, the woods had all burnt down,

and—they pull—he was pulling a few coals around him

trying to get warm.

And when the King said to him, you know, how come you didn’t burn?

Well, he said

I was disappointed. I thought, he said

I was going to get warm for once in my life.

So that was Never-Be-Warm.

So he had that done.

And then there was—he wanted the—he had a cellar full of wine

and he said he had to have—wanted someone to drink all that . . . wine

and rum

and whisky, whatever was there

and not get drunk.

So Drink-All . . . was one of the crew

and Drink-All said, that’s the job for me.

And all night, he was down in the cellar.

The next morning when Jack and the King went to check, he was tipping up the cask, draining out . . . trying to get the last of it.

But he was sober as if he had only been drinking water.

So then the mountain had to be leveled out

and he wanted this mountain leveled out.

And Hard-Ass said, that’s the job for me.

And he ran up the hill

and he used to slide down

and all the gravel

and everything would come with him.

And then he scooped right along on his bum and leveled out.

It was as big as a football field. [laughs]

So the King said, well, you’ve met all my requirements

so now you can have . . . my daughter’s hand in marriage.

And the Princess was delighted

Jack was delighted.

And he said, and I’ll give you a castle.

And Jack said

I don’t need a castle.

I have my own place.

But first, he said

I got to go get my mother

and bring her with me.

So Jack got in his ship—his ship that could sail over land and water

and picked up his mother

and came back to the King’s castle.

They had a big wedding

then Jack and his bride moved back to his place—the old giant’s place, that he had won from him

and they had a—a family of children

and his mother lived to see the grandchildren grow up

and they all lived happily ever after. [laughs] (see also Lannon and McCarthy 1991, 17–28)