Well, there was one time

in olden times

in farmers’ times

’twasn’t in my time

or your time

but ’twas in times ago

there was a man and a woman got married.

They had one son and they called him Johnson.

Well, they were pretty tidy over Johnson

they thought a lot about their—their child, as many do

and they worked away together, the three of ’em.

But . . . after a while . . . Johnson’s mother took sick

and she passed away.

Well, now, Johnson’s gettin’ up . . . in his teenages . . . he didn’t want to leave his father

so . . . there was nothing for him to do, only stay with his father.

So he stayed with his father all the time.

They got along together, the two of ’em, time in and time out.

But, begod, Johnson’s father took sick

and he’s goin’ to pass out.

Now Johnson is gettin’ up to the age of a young man now

and he’s gettin’ up to twenty-one—he’s up in twenty-one years old, so—

and the losin’ of his father is very bad on him.

He had no one else belong to him, only his father.

So he met an old lady

and he told her about his father bein’ so ill.

Yes, Johnson, she said

your father is dyin’. But, she said

as long as you can stay awake

and watch your father he’ll never die.

So that was alright, see, Johnson is goin’ to do that—to try to do it as long as he could.

Well, he watched his father for twenty-one days

and twenty-one nights now.

And, begar, the twenty-second night he dozed off to sleep.

He dreamt—he had a dream . . . that he was shakin’ hands with the beautifullest lady

that ever was under the sun

or the water wet

or the sun shined on.

Well, with the fright he woke

but when he woke, his father was dead.

So he lamented over his father

but sure, ’twas no good.

He had to get him buried.

Well, it cost him everything he had except one pound, two and sixpence.

And when he had his father buried and all

what he had left was one pound, two and sixpence.

So now he’s there alone

so there’s nothing left for him to do, only go seek his fortune.

So he packed up and he left—started off.

Well, at nightfall he was passin’ through a village place.

But there’s nobody there

’twas a kind of a ghost town

but there’s a church there.

An’ it looks like it’s goin’ to be a poor night

so he went in

and when he went in he looked around the church.

There was no one there

and nothing there.

So he said to himself the best place he’d go in the church was to lie down up on the altar floor.

So that’s where Johnson lay down, upon the altar floor.

He slept pretty solid

because he was twenty-one days and twenty-one nights without goin’ to sleep.

You know, you would be a little sleepy then.

[laughter]

So when he got the chance, he laid down

and got his forty winks.

But sometime in the night he heard the racket.

And he said to himself, God, he said

I was lucky to come in here

there’s an awful storm on!

Everything was goin’ hellfellero

that he didn’t know what in the devil to make of it the last goin’-off.

He woked up

and shook himself

and when he looked around

why, the moon was shinin’ in on the—in the church on the altar floor

and he was face to the altar.

But he rolled over on his elbow

and he looked down towards the door.

That’s where the bangin’ was

and the noise.

And what was this, only two men carryin’ a dead body up through one aisle of the church

and they pelted him over the pews

and they were goin’ for him in through one

and out through another

and back

and out through the door

and in again.

The last goin’-off, well, Johnson said

what is goin’ on? I’ll have to go see.

So he got up. He went down.

Well, me men, he said

’tis none of my affair, but, he said

what are ye doin’ with that coffin?

Oh, they said

there’s a body in that, they said.

And Johnson said

there is?

Yes, he said.

And Johnson said

what’re ye doin’ with the body?

That’s a man, he said

owed us one pound when he died.

And, he said

that’s the only way we have of gettin’ our money back.

Well, Johnson said

that is a poor treatment, he said

for a dead body, he said.

If he owed ye one pound and couldn’t pay it, why can’t ye go bury him?

No, they wouldn’t bury him until they had their own time in with him.

Well, Johnson said

go bury him

and I’ll pay ye the pound.

So Johnson paid ’em the pound.

Now, he only got two and sixpence left. He haven’t got very much money

but that’s the way it is sometimes in a young fella’s life.

Well . . . when the sun ris in the morning Johnson woke up

and when he woke up he got ready

and was goin’ out through the church door

and he knelt

and he bowed to the altar.

And when he did there was a little fella up in the end of the church said—

which they called the Gibbett—

Now I wouldn’ know what the Gibbet was

but he said

goodbye, Johnson!

Johnson said

goodbye, Gibbett!

So Johnson shut the door

and went on about his business.

So around noon . . . Johnson was goin’ along, didn’t know where he was goin’

but he was goin’ somewhere.

And by ’n’ by he heard, hallo!

He listened.

He stopped.

Next thing he heard was, hallo, Johnson!

Johnson said, hello!

Johnson, he said

can I go with ya?

Well, Johnson said

yes, he said

you can come if ya want to.

So a man trotted up, stepped up ’longside of him.

Now, Johnson, he said

I’m goin’ with you, he said

as your Fellow Traveler, he said.

Very good, sir, says Johnson

’tis alright to have company.

So . . . when—when they come to a little brook, they sot down for to have a lunch

and when they did there was an old lady . . .

she wasn’t an old lady

but she wasn’t young either

she was a lady come along, a woman.

And she had two hazel sticks on her brishney (a wood bundle).

And on her way along what did she do, only fell into the brook

and broke her leg.

Well, there she was, in agony in the brook

and Johnson went

and he picked her up

and he could do nothing for her.

And he said to his Fellow Traveler, he said

could ya do anything for her?

Oh, yes! he said.

I’ll cure her, he said.

She’ll be able to go on home, he said

but, I wants something for it.

And Johnson said, what?

He said, I wants them two hazel sticks.

So . . . the woman said

well, she said

I can’t give ya them hazel sticks.

The Fellow Traveler said

why not?

She said, I have two children home

and I promised them, she said

that I’d bring ’em two hazel sticks.

Well, he said

if you don’t give me the two hazel sticks, he said

you can stay where you’re to, he said

I’m not goin’ to lift one finger.

So now this kinda vexed Johnson because he wasn’t that kind of a makeup.

He’d—he’d sooner cure the poor old woman—the poor woman

and let her go on about her business.

He couldn’t see much use for hazel sticks.

Johnson said, why can’t—if you can cure the woman, he said

why can’t you do it? he said.

Them hazel sticks wouldn’ be much use.

The Fellow Traveler said

I needs ’em. If I didn’t need ’em, he said

’twould be a different thing. But, he said

she have to give me the hazel sticks, he said

or I won’t be curin’ her.

So, well, the last goin’-off she said, well, she said

I promised me childer, she said

I’d bring ’em the two hazel sticks.

Yes, but, he said

you—you can go back, he said

after you gives me the two hazel sticks

and get two more.

But, he said

if you don’t give me the two hazel sticks, he said

you’ll still be here with the hazel sticks.

So . . . there was no choice. The last goin’-off she said

well, she said

I’ll give you the hazel sticks.

So when she give ’im the hazel sticks he put his hand up to his mouth

spit in his hand, rubbed it over the old woman’s leg.

In a second she was walkin’ on it.

A wonderful person to have around!

So that was alright.

Himself and Johnson went on

but Johnson wasn’t sure what to make of—what to make of this Fellow Traveler.

So . . . the next day they’re travelin’ on . . .

when they come to the brook they were goin’ to have another lunch

and food was gettin’ pretty scarce

and Johnson hadn’t got much money

and the Fellow Traveler, he have none.

He said to Johnson, he said

we’ll have to—are you goin’ to have a lunch?

And Johnson said

yes!

So when Johnson was eatin’ there was a partridge flew along

and started to pick up the crumbs.

While she was pickin’ up Johnson’s crumbs, ’twas alright

but when she went to pick up the Fellow Traveler’s crumbs, he took a knife out of his belt

chopped off the two wings off o’ the partridge.

And she went flutterin’ away in the brook.

Well, if Johnson was vexed about the old woman, he was really vexed about the partridge.

He reared. He said

now, he said

I wasn’t brought up to that.

And, he said

you’ll have to alter that, he said

or we won’t be—or or we won’t be able, he said

to keep goin’ on together.

Because, you know, he said

that innocent bird, he said.

she was only gettin’ a bite to eat.

Yes, but, he said

I wanted them two wings

and, he said

she’ll get the wings again.

Johnson said, what way?

So . . . Johnson went out

and picked up the partridge, thinkin’ pretty bad about the bird there with the wings gone.

And when he brought her back, the Fellow Traveler said

hand her to me.

So then he took a little—took a little bottle out of his pocket

and he rubbed it on the butts of the partridge’s wing

laid her down ’tween him and Johnson.

Next thing, out sprung the wings

and away went the partridge!

Now—so . . . Johnson didn’t—he was so delighted that the partridge got her wings again

that he was—he was in kind of a . . . big . . . time.

So . . . they weren’t long traveling when they walked out in a town.

Now Johnson was such a clever-lookin’ young man

so the Fellow Traveler, he said to Johnson

they’re goin’ to have a ball here tonight, he said.

Now Johnson didn’t know where he found it out

but he was rummagin’ around.

He—Johnson got this place . . . in this boardin’ house for him and the Fellow Traveler.

And Johnson was takin’ a rest

but when Johnson was asleep, the Fellow Traveler was workin’—goin’ around—

thought he was workin’, anyway.

And when he come he told Johnson the news.

Now, he said

the King’s daughter, he said

she’s goin’ to choose a beau, he said

tonight.

And Johnson, he said

you’re a clever-lookin’ young man, he said.

I think, he said

you’d get a good stroke on her choosin’ a beau, he said.

You should go.

So Johnson said he’d go

but he didn’t have no invitation or nothing.

Oh, he said

there’ll be someone around, by ’m’ by (by and by).

So it wasn’t very long before the—one of the King’s pages come around.

He was goin’ around givin’ the invitations to the people to go to this ball

this givin’-out about the King’s daughter.

And when . . . as soon as ever Johnson went there

sure, she fell right straight dead in love with Johnson

right immediately, soon as ever she saw him

just the same as if ’twas me.

[laughter]

So . . . that’s alright, the lady choosed Johnson.

Now, Johnson is took right in to the parlor.

Oh, my! He gets—he’s there all night with the lady

and everything is number one—everything is goin’ number one now

he got plenty to drink—Johnson liked a drink—

and all is number one.

So he said to the King’s daughter

when the time come for him to go, he said

I got to go to me boardin’ house now.

Well, she said

yes.

And more’s the pity.

He said, yes?

She said, there’s ninety-nine heads, she said

on a spear all on the count of me.

And, she said

that’s the—that’s the worst on it.

And Johnson said

well, he said

ninety-nine heads on a spear on the count of you, he said

sure, mine’ll make the hundredth, he said.

That’ll be alright!

He wasn’t afraid, or anything like that.

Yes, but Johnson, she said

there’s more to it than that, she said.

You have to come tomorrow morning

and I’ll be here, she said

and you have to come

and tell me what I’m thinkin’ on. If not, she said

your head have to go on a spear.

At noon tomorrow, she said

you are—your head have to go on a spear.

That didn’t suit Johnson very good

so he went back

and when he went back, his Fellow Traveler was up in high spirits.

Johnson was after gettin’ a few drinks

and all as ’twas.

He said, well, Johnson, he said

how’d ya come on?

I come on good, he said.

I come on good, he said

soon as ever, he said

the lady saw me, he said

she . . . choosed me.

I spent a merry time, he said

up till now.

And, he said

tomorrow morning, he said

I have to tell the lady, he said

what she’s thinkin’ on. Or, he said

at noon, he said

me head have to go on a spear!

Johnson, the Fellow Traveler said

that might be quite simple.

Oh, no, it’s not, he said.

Johnson was shockin’ down in the mouth over it.

No, he said

how could I know what she’s thinkin’ on?

Well, now, the Fellow Traveler said

there’s lots of things, he said.

she could be thinkin’ on . . .

but, he said

I’ll tell ya what ya’ll do, he said.

So Johnson said yes

but, he said

this’ll be our last night together.

Ah, no, Johnson, he said.

Don’t never cry dead till you’re dead!

But, he said.

I’ll tell ya what ya’ll do. You go out, he said

buy a pound of tobaccy

and a dozen pipes

and two bottles o’ liquor—o’ rum

and come in, he said

and we’ll spend the rest of it merry.

So now Johnson done what he told ’im, went out

and he got the rum

and the pipes

and the tobaccy.

They started drinkin’ an’ smokin’

but ’twasn’t very long ’fore Johnson was asleep.

So when Johnson went to sleep, the Fellow Traveler . . . he goes out

sticks on his two partridge wings

and he flies straight to the palace . . . where the lady had to come out.

Now, she was enchanted . . . by . . . a Magnafoot

and he lived in the Magnafoot Mountains.

But the Fellow Traveler, when she come out through the windey (window)

he . . . went in under her crystal sheet that she spread over her for to fly

and every now and then he give her a whip o’ one o’ those hazel rods around the back

or around the—the rear end.

I don’t know where he used to hit her

but . . . everywhere he used to hit ’er

sometimes she thought—she was gettin’ it pretty tough.

Sometimes she thought she had to descend.

So . . . when . . . she come to the mountain

the mountain opened, she went down

and the Fellow Traveler went down with ’er.

When he went down

and he pitched—he stayed in under—in under her crystal sheet

and they didn’t see ’im.

Now . . . she told the . . . old Magnafoot . . . about the . . . awful time she had gettin’ to the mountain.

He said, you got another beau.

And she said

Yes. And more’s the pity, she said

he is a beautiful person—lovely young man, she said.

I don’t know if, she said

I’d sooner be dead meself.

He said, the younger, the beautifuller he is, he said

the easier to get to fool ’im.

Well now, she said

whatever you’re goin’ to tell me, she said

tell me what I have to be thinkin’ on tomorrow mornin’?

He said . . . you have two little balls o’ worsted, he said

in your lap, he said.

He’s sure not goin’ to think on that.

Well, she said

more’s the pity.

So he wanted her to stay

but she was—told him about the storm she met.

She thought ’twas sleet . . . that she got such a beatin’ comin’.

And she went back

and went in her—in her palace

and . . . the Fellow Traveler, he went home.

When—when Johnson gets up in the mornin’, pretty—pretty drowsy

and pretty—pretty miserable.

And the Fellow Traveler he said to Johnson

Johnson, he said

you ’ave now . . . he said

you have to be there on time, he said

if not, the King, he said

and his army’ll be lookin’ for ya.

So, he said

’tis better to face one, he said

than face a thousand.

And, he said

you have to do it.

Yes, he said

I have to do it.

And, he said

I don’t know, he said

what I’m goin’ to be thinkin’—what she’s thinkin’ on.

He said, ya don’t know?

Sure, he said

one thing is as good as another.

He said, yes.

But . . . he said

I’ll tell ya . . . pretty well, he said

that kind of a trick, now, he said

could be . . . something, he said

she had in her lap, like . . . a . . . ball o’ worsted, he said

or something like that.

He didn’t tell ’im.

But, he said

if ya sees anythin’ like that in her lap . . . he said

when she ashes (asks) you the question, you tell her.

Aha, Johnson went with—th’ old King was just gettin’ his lifeguard to come when—

his army to come to look for Johnson when Johnson arrived.

Well, Johnson, he said

I didn’t think you were . . . goin’ to come.

Oh, yes, Johnson said

sir, I’m a man to me word.

And so when he went in . . . my God . . . in the room where she—the lady was sot

she was screened to the floor

all screened in, nothing to be seen, only just her—the screen.

The room was full of all kinds of noblemen

that poor Johnson didn’t know whether he was walkin’ on the—on the floor or up in th’ air.

He didn’t know, he was that frightened up.

But he goes over to the lady

and he rises the screen

and there she was.

And there was the two balls o’ worsted.

He talked to her for a little bit

and she was weepin’, lamentin’, and cryin’.

And Johnson, she said

I’m t—I’m really sorry, she said

and ’tis really a pity.

Well, Johnson said

when it comes to a pity, that’s worth nothing!

Johnson, she said

I have to ask you the question.

Go ahead, he said.

What am I thinkin’ on?

Well, he said

th’ only thing I’d know you’re thinkin’ on is them two balls o’ worsted

you have in your lap.

Oh!

The place went in a roar! ’Twas the first ever guessed one guess on the . . . old King’s daughter.

Now, they were right delighted

because they didn’t want their daughter to be—go down the Magnafoot Mountains

where they’d never see her again.

But still, if she—if she didn’t get that person to—to guess the guesses, she was, well—

ah, b’y, that’s the day that Johnson had the great time.

They were—had the cruel time, himself and the lady

and . . . everything number one.

But . . . when Johnson was leavin’

now Johnson, she said

ye guessed one guess on me

and that makes the thing more worse, she said.

You have to come again the morra morning

and do the same thing.

You have to do that, Johnson, she said

three times. There’s two more guesses to be guessed on me

and, she said

that’s goin’ to break my heart, if your head have to go on a spear.

Oh, the devil may care! said Johnson.

Ninety-nine heads on a spear, he said

but mine could make the hundredth.

He kept the best side out.

But when he got back to—to the Fellow Traveler, he was in an awful condition.

He was too—too sad almost to talk.

Well, Johnson, he said

how’d ya come on?

He said, I guessed that one.

What you told me, he said

was alright, he said

that’s what she was thinkin’ on.

Well, sure, he said

that’s an idee, he said

I told ya the one

and, he said

I might be able to tell you another, he said

or you might think on something else.

And . . . he said

all this is on’y done be chance work.

So, he said

you go out now, he said

buy two dozen pipes

two bottles o’ rum

two pound o’ tobaccy, he said

and come in

and we’re goin’ to have another night.

Why, they drank

and they smoked till Johnson fell to sleep,

and as quick as Johnson fell to sleep

the Fellow Traveler stuck on his partridge wings, as usual.

He had to be there at time.

When she come out through the window, he went under ’er crystal sheet.

But if he used one rod that night, he was usin’ the two the next night.

He used to give ’er a scattered—

Sometimes she thought she was goin’ to have to pitch.

But when they come to the mountain, the mountain opened

and they went down.

When they went down . . . she was pretty saucy with th’ old hangman o’ charity (should be Magnafoot).

She said, this is an awful goin’-over, she said.

I’m gettin’, she said

last night, she said

I almost had to pitch, she said

in a storm.

Tonight, she said

I’m almost beat sore, she said

with hail

and she said

’tis all for the sake of tryin’ to do away with that poor, innocent man.

Aaah, he said

don’t be so foolish! he said

but he guessed that! He’s not so simple, he said

as I thought he was.

But, he said. I’ll tell—

Yes, she said

and whatever you have to tell me, now, tell me quick, because I’m—I have to go again

’tis a cruel storm.

Well, he said

you be thinkin’ on a pair o’ little red shoes you have on your feet, he said

t’morra morning

and, he said

the balls o’ worsted, he said

that wasn’t so ha—difficult, because, he said

he was lookin’ at—lookin’ right at ’em, he said.

He knowed they were there for something.

But for your shoes, he said

he won’t know about that.

So that’s alright.

The lady went back home.

And right behind her, under the crystal sheet, went the Fellow Traveler.

When the Fellow Traveler got home Johnson was asleep.

But he routed up Johnson, now, out of the big hangover, after havin’ that much drink

and nobody only the two of ’em.

You knows how he felt.

And . . . to think about his head goin’ on a spear

and all that kind o’ stuff

so he was very, very, very bad.

Johnson, he said

You rout up out o’ this, he said.

B’y, he said

you—you know, he said

the next thing the King is goin’ to be here, he said

and you’re late already, he said

and by the time you gets there, he said

’tis they’re goin’ to be lookin’ for ya.

And Johnson said

I don’t care, ’cause, he said

I don’t know what to say.

Well, now, he said

I’ll tell ye, he said

if you don’t know.

Well, no, he said

I don’t know.

Well, he said

I’ll tell you what you do.

When you goes in, he said

don’t look at the people is there, he said

or anything like that.

Don’t . . . bother—don’t pretend to know they’re there.

And, he said

you look at her close, he said

when she—when you rises the screen, from head to toe, he said

look at what she have on her feet, he said.

It could be her shoes she was thinkin’ on

she’s—she’s thinkin’ on, he said.

It could be anything.

But, he said

try the shoes anyway.

And whatever color her shoes is, he said

you tell her that’s what she’s thinkin’ on, the color o’ the shoes

red or whatever color, he said

that it is, you tell her.

So Johnson went on

and he met—gar, he—the King was gettin’ pretty handy.

He met the King.

Johnson, he said

my daughter’s waitin’, he said.

And you know, he said

you’re hangin’ back a tot, he said.

You—you’re well ahead, he said.

You guessed the first guess, he said.

He said, everyone is lookin’ out for you.

Oh, Johnson said

no one have to look out for me, he said

I’m a man of me word. I’m comin’.

But, he said

I didn’t—I might not make it on the right . . . exact minute

but, he said

I’m goin’ to be there anyway.

Well now, Johnson, he said

hurry up, because the lady is waitin’.

So when Johnson goes back—when Johnson goes in, oh, by God

if there was a crowd there the—the day before, there’s half as many more there that day.

All noblemen, judges, and lawyers, there’s all kinds there.

Johnson goes in

but he done as the Fellow Traveler told ’im, he didn’t know there was anyone there.

He walked in

and went over and ris the screen.

And when he ris the screen, the lady began to cry

because she thought that Johnson wasn’t really goin’ to guess it.

And when Johnson ris the screen

the first thing was shinin’ before his eyes was those two red shoes.

And she lamented

and she was cryin’.

And Johnson asked her what’s the matter.

And she told ’im. ’Twas a pity anyway, she said

that a fine young man, she said

like you, for your head to have to go on a spear for the sake of me.

Well, she said

there’s ninety-nine heads on a spear.

Well, he said

there’s ninety-nine, mine’ll go along

and that’ll be a hundred.

But, he said

there’s no need of worryin’ over it, he said.

Whatever you have to ask, ask.

Well, Johnson, she said

I have to. What am I thinkin’ on?

I wouldn’ know anything you’d be thinkin’ on, he said

only for them beautiful red shoes you have on your feet.

Oh my! The old King jumped up

and he knocked down the old Queen, he was in such a tatter right then

that Johnson was after guessin’ two guesses on the daughter.

That was—that was . . . excellent!

Well, that was the day Johnson had the big time.

But when he was leavin’ in the evenin’ she said to Johnson

Johnson, she said

I’m more than sorry, she said

you have one more crack.

And I don’t expect, she said

that you’ll ever guess that one. I don’t know, she said

but I don’t expect you ever will. I don’t know, she said.

She didn’t tell him what she had to do.

And I don’t know, she said

either, any more than you.

But, she said

in the morning I’ll know.

So Johnson went home

but he was—he wasn’t too bad that night, because he was after guessin’ another guess.

And the Fellow Traveler was after tellin’ him

now, you know, so Johnson, he said

you go out now, he said

and buy three dozen pipes, three bottles of rum, and a pound of tobaccy

and, he said

we’ll spend our night merry.

[Pause to answer the telephone.]

So, he said

whatever way she goes now, Johnson, he said

’twill be our last night together.

But, he said

we’re goin’ to spend it merry.

But now, you know

Johnson is so excited over this, it served hard to get him to give up.

You know, he was a good hand to stay awake.

He stayed awake twenty-one days

and twenty-one nights before

and he was a pretty good hand to stand no sleep

almost as good as I was.

And the Fellow Traveler had an awful job.

And now he knows the lady is goin’ to fly out at the tick of twelve.

But he had some job before Johnson fell to sleep

but as quick as Johnson closed his eyes, he stuck on his two partridge wings

and away with him. He had no time for nothing.

He was just there in time for to get under the crystal sheet.

But if he beat her the other two nights, I’ll tell you what it is

she got what was comin’ to her that night.

And when she got there, the mountain opened

and she went down.

She was exhausted.

She was near about killed.

And she said so to the Magnafoot.

He said, that fellow is not as green, he said

as I thought he was.

But no, she said

but, she said

you’re doin’ away with me. I didn’t think, she said

I’d ever make the mountain tonight, she said

’twas an awful storm, tonight.

Well, he said

accordin’ to that, he said

I didn’t think ’twas as bad as that.

Oh my, she said

you didn’t think it

but, she said

you weren’t out in no place.

He said, I’ll see you back, tonight.

And she said

I’m in a hurry now, she said

I wants to get back.

And she said

what am I goin’ to be thinkin’ on tomorrow?

You be thinkin’ on the Magnafoot’s head, he said

in the Magnafoot Mountains, he said

and he’ll never think on that.

So away she goes away, the mountain opened

and away goes the two of ’em

the old Magnafoot and the lady.

But he used to only give her a scattered welt

but he was goin’ for him

and when she went in through the windey

and when he turned to come back, the Fellow Traveler turned behind him.

And he knowed what the hazel rods was before he got back to the mountain.

And when the mountain opened for him to go down he—

the Fellow Traveler chopped the head off of the old Magnafoot

and he went down in the mountain.

That’s the end of him.

The mountain closed over, there was no more mountain.

That ends it.

So . . . when they come back Johnson is in the horrors, asleep.

But after a while he got Johnson up.

He knowed he was goin’ to have a job with Johnson this morning now

’cause this Magnafoot head in the Magnafoot Mountains, you know, is hard stuff to think on.

And he—so Johnson got up but he was pretty sad.

Now Johnson, he said

you knows nothing at all this morning either?

No, he said

not a thing.

Now Johnson, he said

you’re gettin’ pretty on the late, he said

you’re goin’ to meet the King pretty—pretty handy this morning.

And, he said

this is a tough day with you.

Very good, said Johnson

but sure, he said

I s’pose ’tis me last one.

He said, do you know anything to say?

Not a thing, Johnson said

not one thing!

No, he said

and I haven’t got much to tell you this morning

but, he said

you won’t see it around or anything, he said

this morning, be nothing for you to see today, he said

’tis what they calls, he said

a wild goose chase, the Fellow Traveler said to him.

But, he said

the best of my knowledge, he said

if I was you, he said

I’d tell her, he said

she’s thinkin’ on the Magnafoot head in the Magnafoot Mountains.

Johnson said, I—I never heard tell of it.

Well, he said

remember it. I knows about it, he said

I heard tell of it, he said

and see it in books, he said

and all that kind of stuff.

He kept at Johnson till he learned Johnson what to say.

And Johnson set out.

Well, by the holy, it wasn’t very long before he met the old King and his army comin’.

Johnson, he said

you’re shockin’ late this morning.

Better late than never, sir, said Johnson.

Now Johnson is a bit brave today, because he had two good days behind him

but still he’s tryin’ to keep in his poor brain this Magnafoot head

in the Magnafoot Mountains, see?

This is hard stuff.

But when he went in, ’twas get rid of it as quick as he could

and when he went in, she’s in the devil’s own tatter this morning

because she thinks Johnson is not goin’ to guess it.

She thinks Johnson don’t know it.

The last goin’-off she wiped her eyes

and cleared herself away.

Johnson, she said

’tis no use, what have to be have to be, she said.

What am I thinkin’ on?

Well, Johnson said

you’re—as far forth as I’m concerned now, he said

you’re thinkin’ on the Magnafoot head in the Magnafoot Mountains!

With that, by the holy Dublin, you know all went in alarm!

There was bells ringin’

there was horns blowin’

and there was everything.

The lady is free.

And all this set her right off her head

and sure, she jumped up on Johnson’s back

and everything.

They had an awful time with it, I see that much goin’ on.

[laughter]

That’s very good.

Now they’re havin’ such a time, you know

and the lady . . . and Johnson is there, that it held up four or five nights

before Johnson come back to himself.

And when Johnson come back to himself, he thinks on his Fellow Traveler

and he was havin’ such a time

and the poor Fellow Traveler, he was home in the boardin’ house by himself.

He disappeared right out of the crowd, Johnson did

and straight for the boardin’ house to his Fellow Traveler, to pick him up.

And when he went, he was there.

Johnson, he said

we spent our last night together.

He said, you’re free

and you got—

Oh, Johnson thanked him for everything he done.

Now, Johnson said

you’re comin’ with me.

And, he said

you’re goin’ to live with me, he said

too.

No, Johnson, he said.

You had only two and sixpence, he said

and you still have your two and sixpence, only the bit, he said

that you paid here

and the bit of stuff you spent, he said.

You still have some.

And, he said, now you have lots.

And I was a poor man, he said

and I had no money, he said.

I died.

And me body was ramshackled, he said

all around, by ruffians, he said.

You paid me burial.

And one good turn, he said

deserves another.

So now, Johnson, he said

I’m goin’ to rest.

And you’ll live happy, he said

all your lifetime.

But, he said

there’s one thing, he said

you’ll have to do.

And Johnson said

what is that?

I ’spect, he said

the lady’ll tell you

but, he said

if she don’t tell you, he said

I will.

You’ll have to throw the lady into that lake, he said

into a lake, he said

three times.

Now, he said

don’t fail to do it.

So . . . alright.

Johnson was so long with his Fellow Traveler

that they thought now that Johnson is some kind of a—some kind of a witch or something

that’s after outdoing the Magnafoot, see?

That he come

and outdone him

and now he’s—he’s goin’ to get the lady.

Begod, the old King was very suspicious

and the lady was out of her mind. She was so delighted about Johnson

and now he’s disappeared.

She thought he was something just come for that.

They’re all in a tatter.

So the old King sot out to go look for Johnson

and on his way, he met Johnson comin’.

Johnson, Johnson, he said

you done an awful thing.

And Johnson said

well, what is that?

He said, you married the lady, he said

you had the lady won, he said

and then you runned away, disappeared, he said.

Now, he said

she’s home, he said

out of her mind in the castle

and don’t know what end become of you or where you went to.

Oh, Johnson said

yes, but you know, he said

I always paid me bills. I paid me way, he said

wherever I went.

And, he said

I owed me boardin’ mistress.

So, he said

I had to—I went back to pay me boarding mistress, he said

and you know, he said

I was a bit . . . beat out, he said.

And so, he said

I had a doze off, he said

and I forgot all about the time. I forgot, he said

till I woke up, he said

and then I hurried on.

Well alright, Johnson, he said

hurry on back. She’s waitin’ for you.

Well Johnson went up

and she was there.

Now Johnson, she said

me and you have to go to the lake.

And I knows, she said

you’re not goin’ to do what I wants you to do.

And Johnson said

yes, he said

I s’pose.

So the two of ’em went to the lake.

And when they went to the lake, she said

now Johnson, you have to throw me in the lake.

Well, he said

I don’t want to do it, but if you insist, he said

I’ll do so.

Johnson grabbed her up

and slung her into the lake.

And when she come over water, she was the ugliest quality of a duck.

Well, now Johnson was—was mad.

And when he grabbed her up the next time

he was ne’er bit at all . . . bashful firin’ her in the next time.

And when he fired in the duck, she went underwater

and when she come up she was a swan. She swum over to Johnson.

And God, when he looked at the swan he did think . . .’twas a very nice bird

so he almost—he didn’t want to heave her back.

But he remembered what the Fellow Traveler told him

so he slapped her in again.

And the next time she come over water

she was the very lady that come to him in his dream.

And they got married.

And they lived happy ever after.

Well now, the last time I was there we had the biggest kind of a mug-up.

I had tea and they had coffee.

When I left ’em they were sot down to a tin table eatin’.

Tin table it bended

and my story’s ended.

If the table was stronger, my story’d be longer.

They were wavin’ goodbye when I come away

and if they don’t live happy, I hope we may!