There was one time

in olden times

in farmers’ times

it wasn’t in your time

or in my time

but in times ago

a man and a woman got married

and they had three sons

Jack, Tom, and Bill.

Now Tom and Bill were alright kinds of young fellas.

They knew how to do something

they could pass themselves off in the world.

But Jack

Jack was a lazy, good-for-nothing kind of a fella

who spent more time doing nothing at all

than he did trying to find something to do.

Jack spent all his time in the coal-pound.

He never washed his face

he never combed his hair

he never cut his toenails

he just spent all his time in the coal-pound.

He usen’t to come out at all, not even to eat his meals.

They used to heave him in a couple of old potaties every now and then.

And he used to take ’em

and stick ’em on the top of his big toe, stick ’em in the fire

and roast ’em, take ’em out

and eat ’em.

That was how Jack spent his time.

One day, Tom, the oldest son, said to his mother

Mother, bake me a cake

and roast me a hen

for I’m goin’ out to seek me fortune

Well, the old woman didn’t want to hear tell of that.

She was shockin’ fond of Tom and Bill

and didn’t want to hear tell of e’er (either) one of them leaving the house at all.

But Tom was goin’

and that was all there was about that.

So she baked him the cake

and roasted him the hen

and off with him down the path

and she crying after him all the while.

Then the next day, up come Bill

and he wanted the same thing

Mother, bake me a cake

and roast me a hen

because I wants to go seek me fortune, too, like Tom.

The old woman was even less pleased about that

but he was goin’

and that was all there was about that.

So she baked him the cake

and roasted him the hen

and she handed it to him with her blessing

although she took it pretty hard that he was goin’ and leavin’ her.

Then out through the door with him.

He went off on his way

and his mother cryin’ her heart out in the door after him.

The next day Jack come out of the coal-pound

and all hands was gone.

There was no one in it, only himself and his mother.

And they never done it very good even when the house was full.

They were all the time fightin’ and arguin’.

Where’s Tom and Bill? said Jack.

That’s for me to know and you to find out, said his mother.

And I dare say they’ll make a better hand of it than you, wherever they are.

After a while Jack managed to get it out of her that they were gone out to seek their fortunes

so he wanted to go too.

Bake me a cake

and roast me a hen

for I wants to go

and seek me fortune, said Jack.

Whisht abooneen (shut up), Jack, said his mother

it’s not for your goin’ I’m sorry, ’s only afraid you’ll come back!

That’s the right way, Mother, said Jack.

Well, she saw that she was goin’ to have to—going to have to do the same thing for Jack

as she done for the other two

so she baked him a cake

and she roasted him a hen

and away with him down the path seekin’ his fortune.

It wasn’t so very long after that when he sot down by the side of the river

to eat a bite and drink a drop

and when he did what did he see

what did he see rowin’ up the river

rowin’ towards him in her canoe

only a cat.

Well now, Jack never see nothing like that before, a cat rowin’ a canoe

and he looked at her a good long time as she was comin’ towards him.

Good morning, Jack, said the cat.

Good morning, Puss, says Jack.

He was always a mannerly young fella.

I’m lookin’ for a man, Jack, says the cat

will you ship to me?

Now Jack didn’t want to hurt her feelings

but she was a cat, after all

and how would you ship to a cat?

He hemmed and hawed

and said that he was out seekin’ his fortune like his two brothers

and how would it look

how would it look if he went back home just as poor as he started out?

Well, Jack, said the cat.

There’s no one askin’ ya to work for no money. I’m lookin’ for a man

and my money is just as good as anyone else’s, ain’t it?

Begod, says Jack

’tis just as well to ship to you as to ship to anyone else.

So he got aboard the canoe with the old cat

and away the two of ’em went down the river.

Well, he stayed with the cat for a year

and the next day was the day and a twelvemonth when his time with the cat was up.

The cat called him in

and paid him his wages, a great big bag of money.

So Jack went on home

and he went into the kitchen

and slapped the bag of money down in the middle of the floor.

Well, the old woman’s eyes lit up like I d’ know what

and she started dartin’ around pickin’ up the gold pieces.

And Jack gave her a puck (blow) of his knee

and she smacked her head off the sideboard.

And with that, the racket ris!

And Jack was sent off to the coal-pound.

Bill and Tom were after coming home with their money

but they buried it out in the garden

and nobody knew about it except Jack.

He used to see them digging up the scattered bit when they were goin’ to the card parties

but he never said nothing to no one.

He just stayed in the coal-pound until the time came again for all hands to go out seekin’ their fortunes.

Jack heard Bill and Tom out in the kitchen gettin’ their cakes

and their roasted hens.

So the next morning he went out

and asked for the same.

Bake me a cake

and roast me a hen

for I wants to go and seek me fortune!

Whisht abooneen, Jack, said his mother

it’s not for your goin’ I’m sorry, ’s only afraid you’ll come back!

That’s the right way, Mother, said Jack.

Well, she saw that she was goin’ to have to do the same thing for Jack

as she done for the other two

so she baked him a cake

and she roasted him a hen

and he went off down the path seekin’ his fortune.

Now he wasn’t long on the path when he saw the cat

and she comin’ up the river her whole best in the canoe.

He tried to hide behind a tree

but she saw him.

And she called out to him, Jack. Over here.

So Jack hung his head and went over to her.

Good morning, ma’am.

And she told him she was lookin’ for a man to ship to her for a year and a day

and he hemmed and hawed

but in the end she persuaded him that her money was as good as anyone else’s

so he got into the old canoe

and away with the two of them down the river.

And he worked away with the cat for a year.

He never had much to do, she only asked him to keep the place up a bit

keep it painted up

and keep the fences fixed

and the roof tight, that sort of thing.

And make sure there was lots of birch in the woodpile

lots of black spruce and spring var (fir).

And in the evenings they used to play a few hands of cards, a game of crib

that’s how they passed the time.

And by ’m’ by (by and by) the twelvemonth was up.

and Jack looked out through the windey (window)

and he sees Tom and Bill goin’ home with their money on their back.

He knew that he’d get his money the next day.

So, begar, the cat paid him his wages the next day

and he took off home.

But he was determined that this’d be his last year with the cat.

Bill and Tom, they had the big stories to tell about what happened to them

the voyages they made

and the wonderful things they saw

but he had nothing to tell only he was shipped to a cat

and he wouldn’t talk about that

so he said nothing at all.

He gave all his money to his mother after he got home

but the bag was so heavy she could hardly heft it

and it slipped out of her hands

and spilled out on the floor.

And she was goin’ around like a hen pickin’ up crumbs

she was in that much of a tatter over the money.

And Jack, Jack just couldn’t resist. He give her a puck of his knee for a bit of fun

and she hit her head off the hob of the fireplace.

Well, that sot her right off her head

and herself and Jack, mind, they weren’t too peaceable the best of times

so the great big racket ris again

and off went Jack, banished to the coal-pound.

He stayed there with his roasted potaties

and his hair got long

and fingernails grew out

and the next thing he heard the crowd gettin’ ready to go out again.

And the next day, after they were gone, he went out and spoke to his mother.

Bake me a cake

and roast me a hen

for I wants to go and seek me fortune.

Whisht abooneen, Jack, said his mother

it’s not for your goin’ I’m sorry, ’s only afraid you’ll come back!

That’s the right way, Mother, said Jack.

So Jack washed himself up

and cut his toenails so he could put his shoes on again

got the roasted hen

and the cake from his mother

and away with him down the path.

But this time he took off in the opposite direction.

He mogged (walked) along and mogged along for a whole day, wondering who he’d meet

and what he’d see

when who should come towards him with her canoe on her shoulder

only the cat again!

He had a like to turn around and run the other way, he was that charoosed (chagrined)

but when you’re jammed up, all you can do is stand your ground

so he stood and waited for the cat.

And was she ever glad to see Jack!

Well met, Jack, she said.

I thought you were after shipping to someone else this year

I never see you coming up the river.

No, he said

he said he thought he’d try up in this end of it for a change.

He didn’t want to tell her he didn’t want to ship to her because she was a cat.

Well, come on now, Jack, till we goes home, she said.

But Jack hung back, he really didn’t want to go with her this year.

He was trying to find some excuse to tell her.

So she looked him right fair in the eye and she said

you don’t want to ship to me, do you?

Well, it wasn’t that exactly.

But she went on, didn’t I pay you enough money?

Oh, yes, Jack had to admit that she paid him more than fair wages.

Well, was I hard to you? Didn’t I give you enough to eat?

No. No. Jack had to agree that she treated him the very best.

Well, she kept on and on with her questions until Jack said

shag it! It’s just as well to ship to you as to anyone else!

So he took the old canoe off her back

and they launched it into the river

and went on down the river to her home.

They worked away together, the very best of friends until the twelvemonth was up

and Jack looked out through the end windey

and he see Tom and Bill goin’ home, each with their bags of money on their back

and what was that, a lady be the hand!

Well, Jack was not too pleased with that sight.

He was shockin’ crooked with the cat that evening. She couldn’t do anything to please him.

What ails you, in the name of God? she finally said.

You’re like a bear with a sore head!

And Jack told her what he’d seen through the windey.

And she said

well, Jack, if it’s a lady you wants, that’s easy done!

I can manage that in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.

You go out, she said

and bring in some of that birch

and make in the biggest fire you can.

And Jack did as she requested. He brought in a doryload o’ birch

and made in the jeezly big fire.

Now, she said

heave me into that fire!

Are you out of your mind, girl? said Jack.

No. Heave me into that fire!

But Jack wouldn’t do it.

And she plagued him

and he wouldn’t do it

and she plagued

and plagued him

until, the last goin’-off, Jack got so tormented with her that he slapped her into the fire

and she went up the chimley in a blaze!

Oh, my God! Now what is he after doing? The use went out of his legs

and he sot down on the daybed.

And he was sitting there really low-minded, feeling very sorry for himself

and regretting his hasty act

and thinking about how good she had been to him

even though she was only a cat.

He was sot there with his head in his hands when all of a sudden a knock come on the door.

Now then, he thought to himself. I wonder who that can be.

Someone’s come cruisin’ the first time in three years

and I’m after doin’ away with the cat.

He slowly went to the door and opened it.

And there stood the fairest lady that ever the water wet

or the sun shined on.

She was so beautiful she took away his breath. My God, wasn’t she gorgeous!

Good evening, she said.

Good evening, he said.

She stood there in the door a spell.

Aren’t you goin’ to ask me in? she said.

Come in, come in, said Jack

and he went back to his place on the daybed.

So she come in and sot down

and he was there with his head in his hands.

She said, what happened? What ails you?

He didn’t want to say, but she kept at him

and the last goin’-off, he had to tell her.

He said—told her about the cat

and how she got him to make in the big fire

and then how she persuaded him to burn her.

Which, he said

I shouldn’t to ha’ done.

Well now, Jack, she said

you done the right thing.

I am that cat.

I am the King’s daughter

and I was under an evil spell these many years.

I couldn’t get back to myself until some man’d come

and serve me for three times a year and a day.

And when you hove me on the fire you broke the final enchantment

and now here I am. You got your lady.

And she went into the pantry

and she hauled out more bags of money than they could load aboard the canoe

and she jumped in

and Jack jumped in with her.

And away he went up the river with his lady.

So Jack and the lady got married

and Jack was the king

and the lady was the queen

and they were so far generations afterwards.

They had children by the dozen

they sold them by the basket

and the sailors bought them

and made sea pies on them.

And the last time I saw them, they were sot down to a tin table eating.

Now the tin table bended, so my story’s ended.

If the table had to be stronger, my story’d be longer.

They had coffee for tea when I came away

and if they don’t live happy, I hope we may!